SEX ADDICTION BEHAVIOR

INTRODUCTION

Sex addiction is common in today's society although it is spoken about little. Treatment for the sex addict is slightly different from other addicts who have abused drugs and alcohol primarily because lifetime abstinence is unrealistic. Sex addiction can be treated by focusing on the behaviors, dimensions, and cognitive behavior with the intention of a healthy altered introduction into the sex addict. Naturally, abstinence is the first road to take therefore many sex addicts agree to not enjoy any sexual experiences including masturbation for at least a year. Going to 12 Step support meetings such as Sex Addicts

Anonymous is also recommended as well as reading sex addiction literature for the sex addict to learn more about his disease by people who have the same disease or professionals who have successfully treated other people.

Sex addiction behaviors are diversified and there sex addicts who participate in one or a multitude of them. The ones that are most common are: fantasy sex; voyeurism; exhibitionism; trading sex; and pain exchange (Sadisim & Maschoism) sex. Some people engage in these behaviors for the adventure or simple entertainment purpose to either add in spice or diversity into their relationships. This is somewhat natural, however, once these behaviors become a compulsion or an impulsive act that the person is unable to control or feels powerless over it can be considered to be an addiction. There could be many reasons why or how these behaviors may have developed although these topics are more philosophical and are not really productive in treating the sex addict or allowing him to explore more healthy sexual habits.

"Less than 13% of addicts have only one addiction and sustained recovery is more successful when all addictions present are addressed. Finally, addictions do not merely coexist but actually interact with each other." (Carnes, The Making of a Sex Addict, 1998. Addiction is a manipulative, deceptive, and self-destructive disease that has both subliminal and complex ways of making both treatment and recovery difficult for the addict. But the good news is that there are a lot of recovering sex addicts who live freeing, healthy lives who engage in healthy sex habits.

SEXUAL BEHAVIORS

The common characteristics of a sex addict are:

· The sex addict has a history of a tried-and-failed method of attempting to control or resist sexual impulses

· The sex addict has many episodes of engaging in such unhealthy sexual behaviors

·The sex addict has many episodes of engaging in unhealthy sexual behaviors for an unhealthy amount of time

· The sex addict desperately seeks to stop these behaviors but seemingly cannot

· The sex addict spends an unusual amount of time obsessing about such unhealthy sexual behaviors

· The sex addict lies or manipulate co-workers, family, and loved ones in order to stay active in these unhealthy sexual behaviors

· The sex addict continues to do these unhealthy sexual behaviors in spite of being warned or threatened of losing his job, marriage/family, or personal freedom

Fantasy Sex

Fantasy sex is similar to a love addiction in the sense where the person is more fascinated by the hunting of the sex victim. The fulfillment is in the seduction of the fantasy person and when the sex addict has achieved his goal, which is to have sex with the victim, he has no further intentions to create a relationship with her. The methods attained for the experience are intrusive such as stalking, making inappropriate sexual comments, sexual harassment, and invading all boundaries. The behavior is similar to watching a cat playing with a rat or mouse and never actually killing or eating it should the rator mouse die.

The sex addict becomes entirely fixated by the fantasy victim and in some ways almost worships her. He will create unrealistic fantasies of her being the virgin-like innocent, the gratifying whore, a mother figure, the willing student, etc. Psychologists have inferred that this obsession may be a symbol of a woman/man or that was the image he created about his mother or her father which Sigmund Freud would call the Oedipus complex (for males) or the Electra complex (for females).

"The Oedipus/Electra complex is the mix of conflicts desire for the opposite-parent and fear of or hatred for the other parent. Fixations that develop during the phallic stage can result and in personality that, in effect, continue to wrestle with Oedipal complex. Men may go to great lengths to demonstrate that they haven't been castrated, seducing as many women as they possibly can or fathering many children. Among women the continuation of the Electra conflict results in a particular way of relating to men, a style that is excessively seductive and flirtatious but with a denial of the underlying sexuality." (Carver, Scheier, Perspectives of Personality, 1992).

Voyeurism

Voyeurism is the act of watching other people performs sexual activities. In few occasions, both the participants get gratification. The performer gets pleasure from having her body features exposed as much he watchers gets enjoyment from seeing it. However, in most cases, it is done in a more intrusive manner. Some sex addicts go to various measures of setting up observational and technological appliances such as binoculars, telescopes, making holes in women's bathrooms or homes (bedrooms), hidden video cameras, podcasts, etc. Pathological sex addicts go to the extreme of even having their videos and/or podcasts put on the internet on such sites like youtube for the whole world to witness at their expense.

Voyeruism has been a practice that has been going through the ages where even in the early 20th century their where shows where men peeped paid money to peep through wholes to entertain themselves while women stripped their clothes or performed sexual addicts. This practice still continues in some places around the world like the infamous Red District in Amsterdam. This behavior could be a cause of a person with a severe sexual inferiority complex where he has such a fear of approaching women or taking the initiative with a woman in a sexual manner that he may simply perform to take the more passive-aggressive approach with them leaving them to be a victim. There are two kinds of sex addicts who perform such actions: a) the one who goes to great lengths to make sure his actions remain discreet to avoid getting caught and b) the one who is not necessarily bothered to be recognized and if he is he may find himself even more aroused by the act of being of caught.

Most sex addicts are aroused by the act of observing the women getting addressed and either masturbates immediately or at a later stage. Voyeurism has become a strong influence in internet sex with many websites entirely devoted to this act. Some are more sadistic than others but ultimately they are all made in the effort to get the watcher aroused. People who are involved with voyeurism may be more pathological sex addicts than others as their acts are illegal. When the sex addict begins to involve himself with criminal activity and is bounded by a powerless stage over professional treated and in some cases these people need to spend time in either mental institutes or prisons for further review.

Exhibitionism

Exhibitionism is the act of exposing one's body parts or performs sexual activities while being aware of being watched. Exhibitionism is an illegal act particularly when done in public places and there have been many arrests taken by people exposing their body parts in the streets, buses, and having sex in movie theatres, parks, and beaches yet it still continues hence the addiction. The sex addict who gets involved in these tend to have a sexual dysfunction where some of them actually are only able to get aroused when being aware that they are being watched. Part of this comes from the risk involved which makes this addiction both sensation seeking. It is rarely spontaneous although it may appear to be from the accidental viewer's perspective. In most cases, these acts are premeditated and are meant to shock the viewer.

"It is clear that for sex addicts, trauma or high stress and addiction are inextricably connected. Addiction in its various forms becomes a solution to the anxiety and stress of the trauma. Seeking or finding pleasure in the presence of extreme danger, violence, risk, or shame are found in 64% of sex addicts". (Carnes, The Making of a Sex Addict, 1998). Addicts have the ability to get a self-destructive pleasure out of performing risk-taking and dangerous acts. This may be due to the state of alertness that it provides them. Therefore, sex addicts who get aroused by the exhibitionist acts invite the aspects of consequences that they are putting themselves in which is what makes shame or guilt almost impossible in these cases. The rewards and pleasures of exhibitionisms far outweigh the punishment and change making treatment a little more difficult for these sex addicts.

Narcissism can be another reason why exhibitionism is preferred by some sex addicts as stemming from the genital stage (later adolescence to adulthood), the addict is only interested in his own sexual pleasure. The sexual narcissistic has little control over his impulses and is unable to release them in smaller amounts in socially acceptable ways. Therefore, this sex addict becomes a self-centered, pleasure-seeking adult. Exhibitionists have no consideration of other people's feelings, social structures, and social behaviors. The needs of exposing this sex addicts body parts is not necessarily always for arousal or even sensational-seeking purposes. Some of these sex addicts are simply oblivious to the concerns of other people and only later do they recognize that their behavior was inappropriate yet they cannot guarantee not doing these same acts again.

Trading for Sex

These addicts will use sex as currency for business transactions whether it includes getting promoted in their jobs, getting certain items for sales or assets for their business, and other extraordinary formats all in the order to get ahead. Certain women involve themselves in these activities primarily to get ahead in their careers. In many parts of the world, particularly California, having sex in order to get a job is a common feature. To be able to afford one's body for a business transaction takes a person without any moral conscience, values, or standards. These sex addicts are not concerned at all what it will do for their future career as possible exposure can lead to not being hired,fired, or even having a literal ban for certain career places for example the justice and education system.

In the game of trading for sex, sex is used as pure, unadulterated power. Here there is no genuine form of affection, desire, or love going on. Sex can be manipulated in many powerful ways and one does not necessarily have to engage in sexual intercourse although that bond will seal the deal officially and cannot be taken back. This power game happens when the perpetrator wants something to be done or encourage an angle that will advantage their position to occur but needs the help of another person to get the third person to be won over. The perpetrator usually finds either an innocent or weak-willed naive person who he already knows has taken a liking to him or can be seduced without much effort.

Once this victim has been discovered, the perpetrator corners the victim prior the climax (intended need) in an out-of-the-blue apparently candid moment. From that point onwards, the relationship will be curdled with sexual tones, connotations, mannerisms, and possibly may lead up to sexual intercourse in order to have the person psychologically and emotionally pimped to be used for the

climax.

Pain Exchange (S & M)

Pain exchange in sex can come in either a physical or mental format. Physical sex exchange regards sadism, masochism, S & M, and domantrixism. Mental sex exchange is more degrading and can the activities involve are defecating; urinating; regression into infanthood; and slavery. Sex addicts who involve themselves in these activities tend to have a background of trauma from their infant/childhood period. "64% of sex addicts have trauma reactions involving physiological or psychological trauma experiences. 76% of sex addicts have trauma splitting involving blocking traumatic realities by splitting or dissociating from painful experiences and not integrating into personality or daily life. 72% of sex addicts have trauma shame involving a profound sense of unworthiness and self-hatred rooted in traumatic experience. 69% of sex addicts have trauma bonding involving dysfunctional attachments that occur in the presence of danger, shame, or exploitation." (Carnes, The Making of a Sex Addict, 1998).

Sex addicts who involve themselves in pain exchange often do not recognize this form of sex as neither abnormal nor abusive. This learned conditioning would have gone on long before they were old enough to differentiate between affection and pain making the confusion of love. They would have had been involved in profound physical, sexual, or both abuse from their parents or caretakers. After the abuse had gone on, their parent or caretaker would have doted them in exaggeration with affection, presents, and money as a subliminal cover-up of the harm done to the child. Later on, the child grows up thinking that not only is this behavior normal but it comes with latent reward and pleasure. The treatment involved in such individuals is sensitive, extreme, and can go on throughout their lives to unlearn this cognitive behavior, heal the trauma, and relearn ways of developing healthy and normal relationships.

Sex addicts who have this condition tend to disassociate, stay in denial, repress, and live with an overwhelming anxiety. It may be because their subconscious of morality and their conscious behavior of acting on moral choices are conflicting creating this anxiety. With the added denial, repression, and suppression of their feelings and ability to experience their body as being a part of who they are; these sex addicts will find themselves falling in love with exceptionally manipulative, controlling, and emotionally and verbally degrading men. Pain exchange once was a taboo in society and now that it has come into forefront; it is often taken to the reverse degree to being moral, idealistic, and profitable further confusing the abnormality of this behavior. Many of the sexual industries and sites on the internet have commercialized this idea making recovery difficult for those who may be trying to get out as the sex addict will always prefer the devil they know.