FAMILY ROLES IN ADDICTION

INTRODUCTION

Families have a general role where there is a mother, father, brother, sister or sometimes the eldest, middle, to the baby of the family and each of these roles is taken seriously where everyone knows what they have to do and it can be said that generally speaking everyone can relate to these structures whether they are women who have never borne a child, an only child, to even the foster child. However, there are other roles that go on and for the addict each role plays a distinct purpose whether the addict is playing the role or playing off the role. One can say that even being an addict has a specific function with his own characteristics as it would be said for the enabling or controlling codependent. The family roles in addiction are: the Addict; the Hero; the Mascot; the Lost Child; the Scapegoat; and the Caretaker.

Family roles tend to be a general dysfunction that happens in all families, however, dealing with addicts it becomes a little more distinguished but on the other hand because there is high success rate of breaking the pattern. This condition stems from enmeshment that is formed from a family where emotions, particularly stress and anxiety, are not dealt with and it enables codependent behavior usually formed in via a triangulating effort where there is a stigmatized individual (usually the addict) who plays the star role of needing to be ‘fixed’. Much deflection and projection continues as a form of dealing with problems regardless of whether it involves the addict.”Beyond seeking relief of discomfort, the family relies on triangles to help maintain an optimum level of closeness and distance between members while permitting them the greatest freedom from anxiety. The alcoholic family can spend years talking about the problem instead of actually doing something to become functional”. (Goldenberg, Murray Bowen’s Insights Into Family Dynamics: Differentiation of Self or How to Get Your Own Life and Not Get Overwhelmed By Your Family, 1990).

Although rehabilitation centers are not involved in these discussions, through the workshops and lectures, the addict learns about how enmeshment has harmed him and how to create boundaries so he can become his own person. The stepwork that the addict works with and much of the literature that is obtained in the 12 Step program, the addict also becomes aware of how not dealing with various aspects of the roles he had to play in his family has caused anguished to him, assisted with his addiction, and various spiritual principles, defects of character, and shortcomings that need to be removed can collapse the enmeshment pattern so he never has to worry about infringing his relationships as time goes on. The addict will learn about setting boundaries were he can rectify the unhealthy amount of closeness/intensity.

THE FAMILY ROLES

The Addict

The Addict is considered one not necessarily due his addiction to substances, alcohol, gambling, etc. from the perspective of family roles but simply because when anything in the family unit goes wrong; the family will assume the way of fixing the problem is by looking towards the Addict. For example, if the actual dilemma in the family should be that the parents are having marital issues, the kids are not getting along as required, or if a visitor spends some days and the ‘perfect family’ is not showing itself; instead of looking into a deeper issue the finger is directed to the Addict as though he wasn’t going along with the ‘act’. No matter how many children/people are in the family the center of attention will always be the Addict. The problem for an actual addict is that they may find it easy to fall back into anger, resentment, and self-pity during their process of recovery making them liable to relapse or lapse into active addiction behavior.

The Hero

The Hero feels the subconscious need to represent the ‘special one’ in the family and his purpose tends to be one of supporting the idea that the family is perfect and everything fit gets together wholly to the public world. Parents, specifically mothers, tend to fall easily into that role as they like the idea of their family appearing ideal sometimes due to their own peer pressure of friends, relatives, neighbors, or those who fit into their status level. Sometimes the Hero can be the addict who has uses his drug of choice to cover up the fact that things are not what they seem or to choose to only see the positive perspective of his family. When things go array, he ignores/avoids the anxiety by using to continue these false perceptions. As the perfectionist, the Hero will project his own active addiction behaviors on something outside of the family. Avoiding fear, shame, and guilt is what causes the Hero to use substances, alcohol, sex, gambling, etc. as well interjecting his false hopeful attitudes.

The Mascot

Most families have a Mascot who masquerades in a jester’s-suit making jokes, teasing, generally making light of all situations occurring in the family good or bad. The problem with the Mascot is not only is he unwilling to take things seriously but he often uses his anger/aggression that he ignores and uses ill humor often on purpose to hurt a family member’s feelings. For example, a father who cannot seem to accept that their son has fallen into addiction and will never be the man the father would like him to be; the father taunts the son publicly or in front of the family. Reversely, the addict (who is using passive-aggressive anger masked as humor) mocks his younger sibling or weaker parent often as a form of deflection. The Mascot hides under his embarrassment, shame, and self-pity by using pseudo-confidence and other inauthentic characteristics in attempt to make him invulnerable to exposed emotions.

The Lost Child

The Lost Child is the ignored family member who often feels as though anything he did, good or bad would make any difference for him to gain any sense of recognition from his family members (particularly his parents). Psychology tends to remark this a lot about the middle child since the attention will fall on the eldest for setting the example for his younger siblings and the youngest being the spoilt ‘prince(ess)’ of the lot. Should the addict fall under the role of the Lost Child, he will be in a vulnerable position as he may never be exposed about his addiction and therefore will never be sought out for treatment. The Lost Child, as the addict, will be bonded to feeling a lot of self-pity, resentment, and dishonest behavior. Any time that the addict, in this role, gets involved in any delinquent behavior he will easily get away with it as it will often get noticed plus the ‘problem’ will get passed down to the more noticeable family members i.e. ‘The Hero’ or ‘The Addict’.

The Scapegoat

The Scapegoat, similar to the Addict, will be the bark of the problem except the difference is that the Addict is the ‘sick’ person in the family. The Scapegoat is the rebel of the family who will willingly go against anything the family stands by. The Scapegoat has the inherent s tendencies to act out therefore falling into addiction is easy for him as he knows that his parents would hate the idea of him hanging around antisocial juveniles particularly those who smoke cigarettes, are involved in illegal activities, and are partial to sex at an early age. Hence, the Scapegoat will align them with people like this without much thought behind it because rebellion is in his nature; causing chaos in school and his neighborhood will be a part of his characteristics. The Scapegoats feels that he has been stigmatized as the ‘black sheep’ of the family and does everything he can to play along with that module. The Scapegoat is not in touch with his real feelings although neglect, shame, and guilt play a large role.

The Caretaker

In a highly dysfunctional family, there is a Caretaker who makes it his responsibility to take care of everyone. He plays the nurturer to the Scapegoat, the ally to the Addict, the audience to the Mascot, and the soldier to the Hero. Naturally, this role is too much for any one person but Caretaker is so scared that the family will fall apart without him that he will play this role without considering his own wants or needs. The addict rarely plays this role but can become a victim from acting out this role for so long that eventually he will turn to prescription pills, drugs, and alcohol in order to take an emotional and psychological break from this burden. The underlying emotions that the Caretaker is dealing with are inadequacy, powerlessness, and fear and because his own emotions are neglected he falls into a cycle of unmanageability and losing control.

HOW ENMESHMENT FACILITATES THE PROBLEM OF ADDICTION

Enmeshment regarding these family roles is that it creates too much anxiety and stress for the average person and when an addict is involved in these situations; this behavior will automatically create triggers for him to want to use his addiction to remove him away from the situation emotionally. “As the child most emotionally attached to the parents (The Addict, Caretaker, and occasionally the Hero) will have the lowest level of differentiation of self and the most difficulty in separating from the family. Moreover, Bowen believes that the greatest level of undifferentiation of the parents and the more they rely on the projection process to stabilize the system, the more likely it is that the child(ren) will be emotionally impaired. For example, the child responds anxiously to the Caretaker’s (mother) anxiety. The Caretaker becomes alarmed at what she perceives the child’s problem and becomes overly protective”. (Goldenberg, Murray Bowen’s Insights Into Family Dynamics: Differentiation of Self or How to Get Your Own Life and Not Get Overwhelmed By Your Family, 1990).

In cases such as this, the likelihood of a severe cycle of enmeshment (via keeping the child at an infant level needing to always be taken care of emotionally and financially) may occur which not only forces the addict into a fixed role but he may become psychologically bonded to the codependent treatment/behavior and using this learned condition on his future family. This behavior encourages the addict to fall into the habit of needing some emotional support and because he is not getting it from his family; he will find it easier to use a drugs, alcohol, or food as his crutch. If the addict is entirely neglected, in the case of the Lost Child or the Scapegoat, he will be further encouraged to interact in aggressive manners towards his family members which now makes him a version of his father’s or mother’s role (or interact with the role) constantly making it almost impossible for him to enjoy the growth and developments of becoming his own person.

When there is an argument or a debacle between two family members particularly when the roles compliment each other in opposition (i.e. the Mascot/the Scapegoat, the Caretaker/the Addict, or the Hero/the Lost Child) there is a higher propensity for the level of differentiation of the roles will play it supporting act in the dynamics of the enmeshed family by supplying a third role for the argument involving series of interlocking triangles. The emotions overwhelm the third person and if he is the addict who is already conditioned to swallow his pride and emotions is triggered to use. This behavior becomes unfair for the addict and can lend to his infliction for craving to use something outside of him i.e. drugs, alcohol, sex, food, etc. to bottle his emotions which will eventually disable his ability to assert himself. These arguments that come from these interlocking triangles from the dysfunctional family will usually be felt mostly from the addict who will eventually move himself away from his family and himself emotionally programming him to rely on his addiction even more so.

“Bowen points out that triangulation has at least four possible outcomes: 1) a stable twosome can be destabilized by the addition of a third person such as alcoholism, drug addiction; 2) a stable twosome can be destabilized by the removal of a third person (marital conflict follows after an alcoholic, addict, or codependent seeks treatment, and thus is no longer available to be triangulated into their conflict; 3) an unstable twosome can be stabilized by the addition of a third person (seeing a therapist, recovery); and 4) an unstable twosome can be stabilized by the removal of a third person (conflict is reduced by setting a boundary and eliminating an addict/alcoholic from one’s life”. (Goldenberg, Murray Bowen’s Insights Into Family Dynamics: Differentiation of Self or How to Get Your Own Life and Not Get Overwhelmed By Your Family, 1990). In this way, one can see that ultimately if there is any hope for the addict to both become more aware of the role (via characteristics) that he and his family members play and seeks some form of treatment; there is not only hope that he will recover from his addiction but he can break the pattern of falling into the trap of his role as well as find a way out to form the person he seeks to become.

TREATMENT FOR THE ADDICT AND HIS DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY SYSTEM

Boundaries must be established to avoid any further enmeshment so that the addict can be responsible for his welfare, gain some independence, become aware and respond to his internal or external triggers, and assert himself. In order for the addict to create his personal territory in a family that allows such dysfunctions as the Addict to overwhelm the family with his problems, the Hero to manifest as the insurmountable character, the Caretaker to stop meddling into other’s affairs, or the Lost Child to manipulate his family using his neglect as a cop out for passive-aggressive conflict; the addict needs to step away from all these unnecessary preconditioned emotional dramas by new tools, skills, and sometimes via physical separation.

Inpatient/Outpatient Treatment

The addict will be removed from his family for a certain period of time while in inpatient treatment where he will no longer be able to have his reinforced psychological conditioned behavior to manipulate and use his various forms of aggression that stems from whatever role that he has evolved into at home. For example, the Scapegoat and Lost Child will be rejected by his peers in treatment should he force his self-pity and despondent characterizations. In treatment, the professional team and older patients will often provide negative reinforcement as to break the habit from the addict where he will now be able to create a new form of behavioral programming to motivate a stronger personality. The Hero and his overconfidence and vanity will not be tolerated and he will instead learn how to develop humility and a need to adjust to adapt to the group consciousness in both a social and physical level. The material provided in both inpatient and outpatient treatment will broaden the addict’s understanding on how and why he has always used his addiction as a way to establish himself in the world by denying who he is and adapting to masks to create this false image of which he is in order to survive.

Professional Treatment

It would be recommended that an addict seeks further professional treatment by way of seeing a psychologist or social worker. Although any rehabilitation center provides both, the limited amount of contact added with the limited amount of time that an addict stays in treatment tends to generally not be enough time to get to the crux of the effects of enmeshment. Sufficient therapy can take as long as up to several months for an addict to gain the information, skills, and social/psychological development to change the family dynamics to effectively create the boundaries required for change. The psychologist or social worker will be able to learn from the addict the limitations that he feels has disabled him from functioning healthy and what causes him to revert to his active addictive behavior. Often, the addict may feel subconsciously threatened that declaring who he would like to become, asserting his true personality, or upholding his needs for aligning himself towards recovery principles and behaviors will cause him to create a tear in his family structure. He may need validation that his new choices are correct and healthy so he can avoid the burden of living up to the unnatural roles that ‘works’ for the family.

Halfway House

Halfway houses provide a productive boundary from the family enmeshment scenario primarily because they create a physical separation from the addict living in the same conditions that reinforced his family role and therefore addiction. The old arguments and emotional constraints that caused the addict to play into his immature Mascot behavior in avoidance of embarrassment and shame or the Scapegoat behavior of rebelling against the family conduct will no longer be there and instead there will be functional behaviors of taking responsibility, dealing with emotions appropriately, and learning to ask for help will be replaced in the halfway house. Furthermore, valuable emotional and social growth and development will be enforced through stepwork, going to 12 Step meetings, and having the support of other psychologically regressed addicts.