DISHONESTY VS HONESTY

INTRODUCTION

It has been claimed that whenever there is the opportunity to behave dishonestly and that people’s level of moral rescue will depend on the most logical action that is appropriate for the situation which allows certain level of dishonesty. However, with an addict that choice is no longer afforded to him as dishonesty is like drinking alcohol as this behavior will become a disease in the spirit increasing his chances of moral drunkenness which gives way for an actual relapse. The only way to stay sober for the addict is to abstain from using any mood-mind altering substance as well as behavior. If the addict adheres to behaving morally in response to his dilemmas, he will subsequently make it a practice to rely on stringent moral judgments leading to practicing his spiritual principles and conditioning his mind to finding the positive outcomes of relying on honesty at all times.

Some of the reasons that make an addict become tempted to be dishonest are usually because they want to manipulate the situation to work for them, they are distrustful of the person in question, or they simply fear the consequences. Dishonesty is often a learnt conditioned that was taught to them through watching how their parents or caretakers behaved regarding their own situations. Some addicts are also in denial of their own dishonesty perhaps because they have used that line of behavior for so long that they cannot even see the thin line between honesty and dishonesty. What must be established is what is dishonesty as some addicts think that it is only lying or manipulating another person defines dishonesty. “People develop personal standards of moral behavior that serve a self-regulatory role by guiding good behavior and deterring bad behavior. Whenever behavior violates these standards, self-censure occurs.” (Shu, Gino, Bazerman, Dishonest Deed, Clear Conscience: Self-Preservation through Moral Disengagement and Motivated Forgetting, 2009).

If an addict has any true intentions of staying sober and living a clean life; he must take it upon himself to keep a morally hygienically life. When living the guidelines of the 12 Step Program, there are several methods in how to ensure he is doing so. Doing a personal inventory in his Step 10 every night must be taken with a somber mind. Many addicts feel that the only time that they are discussing dishonesty is when the subject appear in his Step 10 whereas but he must also write about his day from a truth perspective. In regards to other topics like anger and resentment, he must consider if his day has really been free of this by asking himself whether he was annoyed, dismayed, or even slightly irritated that day. Self-pity and fear are subjects where addicts feel free and yet there is rarely a day when an addict does not deal with some form of jealousy, envy or even has some slight sense of insecurity or feeling like his ego was threatened that day. Not discussing these topics falls under dishonest to self. Contacting a sponsor means actually having a real conversation about the addiction, fears or concerns of using/craving, and discussing how he is handle any level of the spiritual principles during his day is really just calling a friend as opposed to using the sponsor for his purpose. Finally, self-deception is being dishonest too and the addict must never take light of any period of the day when he has manipulated himself in taking too many commitments that he cannot handle, lurking around using spots for no particular reason, or daydreaming/euphoric recalling of his ‘glory days’ and ignoring these episodes are all acts of conning himself to think that he is not tinkering with thoughts of using.

TYPES OF DISHONESTY

As previously mentioned, there are different levels of dishonesty that can vary from subtle to blatant. Lying is about not telling the truth, however, even that can come in various formats since most addicts have convinced themselves that it is only about not speaking the truth. Yet, even if an addict is only telling half the truth, essentially that can be considered a lie as he is still misleading the other person. For example, if an addict is accused of being around his drug dealing area and suspected with using as he was hanging around his old friends. The addict may claim that it is true that he was around x-location but he was not with his old friends so he cannot be called out for using despite the fact that he may not have necessarily been with his friends that he found when he went and acquired the drugs. Hence, this is misleading information using a subtle form of lying by omission.

Keeping silent or holding onto information is also lying although, once again, the addict will immediately say it isn’t because he was not asked. Particularly in treatment where it is important to have all information in the open and remain transparent, addicts have the tendency to form their own alliances where they will become dishonest by not disclosing vital information and when something goes wrong (stolen items, using on the premises of the vicinity, threatening or violent situations, or innocent people get accused of wrongful activities); the addicts will make a vow of silence with one another. This form of dishonesty are participating in a form of controlling feeling as though they are aware of what is best for everyone involved without consultation from the staff team.

The addict will ‘alter, impair, or even destroy the effective psychological functioning of others over whom they exercise power. The concepts influence, control, and manipulation denote a certain kind of alteration: the consummation of a purpose of the influencer in the behavior of the influenced. To examine scientifically questions denoted by the terms influence, control, or manipulation, one must be able to observe objectively and to define in precise terms both the effects sought and those obtained”. (Biderman, Zimmer, The Manipulation of Human Behavior, 1961). In other words, when addicts proceed by not giving vital information they are using a controlling form of manipulation where they can have the power over an environment and specifically certain members of a group to carry out their purpose. This form of dishonesty is quite a difficult process to remove as often the addict(s) have rationalized to themselves that they are ‘keeping the peace’ and/or avoiding conflict.

This comes to mind the attitudes of misleading with psychological reasoning i.e. rationalization, justification, and intellectualization. Rationalization happens when the addict will feel as though he is under pressure for information and therefore he will find some kind of handy excuse for the behavior or reason why something occurred regardless of the truth. In fact, the truth is irrelevant as the addict just to get off with his hands clean about the matter. For example, instead of the addict admitting that he was too afraid to admit to himself that he can never take any form of mood-and-mind altering drugs the addict will take any form of medication provided by his doctor. In this way, if he accidentally finds himself taking medication that has codeine or benzodepines and that it will make him be in a position to relapse and/or cross-addict; the addict will find easier to rationalize to himself that he did the best considering the circumstances.

Justification occurs when the addict is aware that he has been acting in a dishonest behavior but cannot bring it upon himself to take the responsibility to confront the situation by taking some accountability for the matter. Therefore, the addict would prefer to create excuses or sometimes even deflecting the problem and making it the other person (or the environment) fault in making him act in the irresponsible matter that caused him to now have to lie or justify why he did what he had to do. The addict finds it easier to manipulate perceptions and take his own verification of how things happened the way they did in order to limit the reality so he can deny about what he wanted to mislead the situation to appear that there was only one way the situation could have ended.

When an addict chooses to intellectualize he is using a defense mechanism ‘to think about the threats in cold, analytical, and detached terms. Thinking about the events in such clinical fashion allows the addict to dissociate his thoughts from the feelings involved, thereby insulating himself from anxiety.” (Carver, Scheier, Perspectives on Personality, 1992). This behavior occurs in addicts who have been traumatized in their childhood, accidents/assaults, or even via their addictions (psychotic experiences). It is possible that these addicts may not even be intentionally choosing to intellectualize an experience as a form one manipulation but these addicts still need to be aware of their actions as when they are doing so they are out of touch of reality as well as their emotions. Intellectualization as a form of dishonesty and is more harmful to the addict than anyone else because if he continues with this behavior he will never be able to realize any of the spiritual principles that the 12 Step program is introducing particularly authenticity, humility, compassion, and open-mindedness.

HOW TREATMENT CAN ASSIST IN CREATING HONEST LIVING

In Patient Program

When an addict comes into a rehabilitation center there is a large possibility that he may still be in denial that he is an addict and it is unlikely that he is either willing to admit his dishonest ways or in fact able to be aware of his own dishonesty. Group sessions make up large part of inpatient programs where the addicts do various workshops with either a professional therapist (social worker or a counselor/psychologist) or a recovering coach. Some of the most productive workshops involved dealing with emotional issues i.e. anger management, stress and anxiety, guilt and shame, and relapse prevention. In this environment, there is no opportunity to skirt around issues or limit participation because in one way or the other the least willing addict will be forced to speak up either by their peers or the facilitator in charge.

The addict will not be able to control his methods of deception of using deflection to move the problem away from him as even the newest patient in treatment will call him out and the adage question will pop up by someone of ‘what’s really going on for you?’. This can become quite productive for everyone involved because not only is addiction what all the patients have in common, but so is hiding away from personal problems and emotional difficulties. The addict may also use projection to deny his other dishonest behavior that came from his active addiction behavior.

There are situations that happen when an addict has a history of stealing, holding back truth out of protection for those he may be controlling or be controlled over, or have such a domineering character that he used for power in any format. The addict, acting on old behavior, will then accuse another person in order to get the focus off himself and the recovery coach and professional team will be skilled enough to see the issue for whatever it is even the other addicts may not. These forms of dishonesty (and old behavior) are eliminated efficiently in rehabilitation centers particularly because the recovery coaches (who are recovering addicts) have been in these situations either through their own treatment or awareness through the 12 Step program and have firsthand experience thereby are highly astute on active addiction behavior.

Being in treatment will give the addict many opportunities during the program to sit down and figure out what causes him to be dishonest. During the workshops, the addicts are given paperwork to go through that in one format or another will ask questions so they can reflect Listening to life stories and having one-on-one conversations with their peers may offer opportunities to relate to others as well as consider being in the position of different situations to contemplate further how an addict can be dishonest without even being genuinely aware of doing so. After a 28 day or more program, the addict will witness through other addicts or his own experience how dishonest harms himself and his relationships.

Outpatient Program

Outpatient is a program where the addict has a more individualized, advanced treatment that deals with cognitive behavior, relapse prevention, and practical programs on how to stay in recovery and avoid old active addiction behavior. The programs based on workshops with both paperwork and group therapy where the addict can be alerted to future oppositions and inner resistance that he will have to plough through and not relapse. Resistance has its own subconscious dishonest conducts that the addict must be highly attentive about and when in doubt he has both the therapist and his own addict peers to point out what he may not be aware of within himself.

“Anyone who works with addicts believes what the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says, that the disease is cunning, baffling, powerful and patient. The disease will do anything to perpetuate itself. We see this in the sane use of alcohol movement. Every addict would like to keep on using with no consequences. The addictive system is always striving for ‘objectivity’ and has interpreted that term as being detached”. (Schaef, Addictive Systems). The problem with many addicts is they confuse objectivity for detachment hence lies them into almost jinxing themselves into dishonesty. When the addict becomes too detached regarding his emotions in attempt to become more rational and realistic, they can find themselves intellectualizing and minimizing their internal and external triggers. When this happens they are unintentionally setting themselves up for allowing the cunning ‘inner addict’ to lay traps for setting up conditions where they have provisional resistance.

For example, the addict has become detached to his feelings about his workspace conditions where other people are using drugs and drinking on the job because he has learnt to accept the fact that he needs to work to survive and is not position to become particular. Such situations will be the opportunity the ‘inner addict’ needs to provide him with the external triggers that the recovering addict has neglected to admit that may be a problem. The therapist and peers in outpatient will be able to be objective enough to point out to the recovering addict that he is being dishonest to himself to think that he is ‘stronger’ than his subconscious craving and can provide with so many other perspectives that could cause him to relapse. The recovering addict can eventually learn that his detachment is not objectivity at all but denial and self-deception entangled into an internal trigger that will be his waterloo in recovery if he does not become vigilant about spotting his own blind spots.

Outpatient will also bring up family, spiritual, recreational, health, and other lifestyle situations that can allow places for dishonest behavior either cognitive or emotional that the addict must be prepared for to avoid recovery. When the addict stops feeling comfortable talking to his family about his cravings and thoughts of using; he may think that he is protecting his family so they do not have to worry or think that he is bond for relapse again. Where actually outpatient can point out that this is dishonest as well as selfish behavior which will is distorted thinking. The addict will also assume that think nothing of having his belief and faith deteriorating and that he has enough confidence to continue are other signals of dishonesty where the other addicts in outpatient will point out as denial and rationalization. Being cost-wise by avoiding going to the doctor, striving through boredom by not having recreational activities, and other irrational acts by the addict will be noted as avoidance tactics, overconfidence, complacency, and self-righteousness in outpatient that the addict will need to work on finding courage and new thinking to deal with his diverse dishonest abilities.

12 Step Program

The twelve steps, spiritual principles, and stepwork will be self-awareness work that the addict can constantly work on to break his dishonest ways on a daily basis. The twelve steps is a progressive technique that amongst many issues of addiction can focus on the dishonest behaviors of the addict. First and foremost, the addict is constantly advised that if he is not willing to be thoroughly honest he will not be provided with the help that the Program has to offer. After getting the addict to admit how his addiction has made him powerless and his life unmanageable, the addict then goes on a diet where he sheds of years of self-deception of the harm and pain that he has caused for himself, others, his spiritual life, and these relationships. Then, he will learn how his dishonest ways through his defects of characters and shortcomings (i.e. lying, manipulation, deception, justification, self-seeking behaviors, etc.) all have affected these relationships. Finally, he will learn how through prayer and meditation and confession his dishonesty to himself and God all the while having different spiritual awakenings that he shares with addicts who still suffer about how leaving the life of dishonesty and practicing honesty in all his daily affairs have changed him.

The spiritual principles that he graduates into learning and developing through the program will work through his dishonesty. For example, he will be more aware when he is being intellectual by himself or other people which will allow him to become more humble and find the humility of finding out what is really going on for him emotionally. The addict will learn to move out of his ‘stinking thinking’ that will allow him to experience genuine objectivity with a clarity that he had never had before that introduces him to real perception of reality and judge his own motivations to find out whether they come from a place where he actually wants the betterment of everyone or if he is self-seeking again. The spiritual principles will ensure that the addict’s motives are coming from the will of the God of his understanding as opposed to what will work for the addict best in the end.

Through working the stepwork, the addict will also become well acquainted with his thought structure, his motives, and his pathology in his motives. Addicts often act out on their anger and resentments through passive-aggressive behavior and so they reach into their old active addictive behavior via manipulation and deception. Manipulation, in a nutshell, means getting things through deceptive behavior instead of asking for them. Stepwork will show the addict the various ways that he uses deception to get out what he wants often out of fear and his insecurities; however, when he learns the patterns and how his self-will continues to cause riot in his life and his relationships he will be able to want to break the pattern and choose to find the courage to ask and the serenity in accepting that it’s okay to not always get his way. The addict will begin to use stepwork as a method of regulating his moral behavior and honoring his preference to have values and standards to guide his life through honest living.